Operation Aproned Alpha Male
Valentine’s Day; the notorious anniversary of Al Capone’s great massacre, symbolic of the annual epic fails where most men end up sleeping on the couch, swiftly approaches this weekend. In this treacherous battle to survive V-Day, there is no fail-safe, counter offensive to ensure victory, like a man in the kitchen. We’ve compiled a list of top-secret Valentine survival tips, guaranteed to assure no man gets left behind enemy lines this Saturday.
RECON:
Find out ahead of time if your date has any food allergies or dietary restrictions. It would be a nightmare for the both of you, to cook filet mignon, only to learn she is a vegetarian!
Make a “Be My Valentine” Gift Certificate for a romantic dinner by Chef (Insert Your Name) and email or hand it to her before you go grocery shopping that week. Include a RSVP checklist which requests her to list dietary restrictions.
If you are determined to surprise your Valentine, call her Mother and ask about food allergies. You will win major good guy points with Mom when she learns of your initiative.
Drink Menu:
Pairing a drink menu with a meal is equally as important. While Red Wine is widely known as an aphrodisiac, your date may prefer white wine or Champagne. Contrary to popular belief, mixing red and white wines will not cause a hangover. Pairing different wines to compliment each course, will impress every woman.
Know your Valentine’s preference. Look over your menu and pinpoint flavor profiles to choose it’s counterpoint in a grape. For example, a cheese platter or salty foods like caviar should be paired with a sweet grape like champagne, cava or chardonnay to enhance flavors from food and drink. A savory entree rich in herbs or red meat, matched with a spicy Syrah or a tart Malbec from Bordeaux will send goosebumps down her neck with each bite. If deciphering flavor profiles makes you dizzy, try using a free smart phone app like Hellow Vino or write the dinner menu on a piece of paper and ask the Sommelier at your local Wine store for help.
Man Cave House Keeping:
Clean your entire living space… not just the dining area. A mildew plagued bathroom and a smelly sock scented bedroom makes a girl think of bed bugs and malaria.
You can find great discounts for cleaning services on deal sites like Amazon, Google Offers and Living Social. Cash in on favors owed to you from friends or call Mom. The idea of her son getting serious with a girl, assures a white glove cleaning visit fueled by the thought of potential grandchild.
Setting the Dinner Table
Set the dinner table before you begin cooking, or the night before. Should you get side tracked or run behind, you will avoid looking unprepared or out of your element. If you are still using the college tableware and don’t have time to shop for a dinner set, ask to rent linens and plates from a local restaurant you frequent, for the night. A male manager will sympathize with you and a woman will find the sentimental value of your efforts worthy of her help.
Spruce up the table with a burlap runner from craft store like Michael’s, red paper napkins and finish off with pink and red Gerber Daisies in a Mason Jar as a centerpiece. If a floral centerpiece is too feminine for you, try wrapping a potted basil or sage plant in the left over burlap. The herbal scent will relax and uplift your dates state of mind.
Setting the Mood:
Light scented candles in the bathroom, living room and bedroom. Scents like Vanilla, Sandalwood and Jasmine are known to ignite the female libido. One or two candles in a room is enough. You don’t want to make her wonder if she’s dating a Vampire who’s about to make her the dessert. For the accident prone or hypochondriacs who do not trust a lit flame, Oil Diffusers may cost a little more, but tend to work better than candles. Most grocery stores sell Glade Oil Diffusers for less than ten bucks.
New Relationships: If the relationship is young, candles and oils may come off as presumptuous. Accent each room by placing a single flower in a colored beer bottle with the label removed, a flask or cut the flower stem to an inch in length and place it in a shot glass. Choose striking and unique flowers that are in season like Lilies, Anemones and Ranunculus versus a typical Rose. Remember: the little details matter most to women. She will love that you didn’t settle for any old flower… or girl for that matter!
Creating The Perfect Playlist
Igniting all five senses is the defining key to distinguishing a memorable experience. Thanks to Pandora and Satellite Radio, the days of mix tapes and CD shuffle, make this an easy process. The perfect background music for a romantic dinner should be tasteful, uplifting and make for an interesting discussion topic. Avoid songs with sexual suggestions in the main chorus such as Let’s Get it On, Love in the Club or Bump and Grind. A woman can interpret that as sleazy and presumptuous to the dinner’s outcome and get uncomfortable. Choose music that is nostalgic of a glamorous era like the Harlem Renaissance’s Elle Fitzgerald, Louis Armstrong and Billie Holiday or a present day songstress such as Adele, Whitney Houston and Alicia Keys. The Soundtrack from Dirty Dancing is guaranteed for moments like these.
THE MEAL
Hors d’oeuvre
Have something made for your Valentine to snack on before dinner. This will give her time to settle in, have a glass of wine and allow for conversation while she observes your culinary prowess. An array of aphrodisiacs like a cheese plate with figs, almonds slices and honey paired with a glass of Champagne is easy enough to throw together in a hurry. Brie, blue cheese, herb-crusted goat cheese, Manchego and Pecorino Romano are widely favored and a safe variety to select from. If you really want to go all out, add a small bowl of lightly salted (labeled as Malossol) Osetra Caviar to your antipasto display. Caviar is high in zinc which boost both the Male and Female libido. Always keep caviar on a bed of ice to maintain optimal freshness. Serve with crostini or small toasts. Tip: Cut the bread slices using a heart shaped cookie cutter for a nice touch.
The First Plate
The first course should be something you can prepare and plate in advance to avoid last minute scrambling. Most women are habitually watching their figure, so there’s no shame in making a salad as an appetizer. Arugula (aka Rocket Seed) is medically documented as one of the most powerful food sources for increasing the libido in both sexes. Avocado, radish, pomegranate, fennel (anise), feta or goat cheese and almond slices are all considered aphrodisiacs and pair perfectly with Arugula. Plate a small bowl of Raspberry Vinaigrette, and drizzle it on your dates salad in front of her. Doting on a woman goes a long way.
If salad is too common for your Aphrodite, Oysters on a half shell with a slice of radish and a dollop of caviar will have her praising Zeus! Add a little heat with a tiny sliver of Chile Pepper as garnish and serve with a Chile Pepper sauce on the side. Chilies are loaded with capsaicin, which boosts the heart rate and tells the brain to release endorphins.
Main Course
When planning your Valentine’s Day Dinner, keep in mind that the feeling of being full tends to translate into feeling bloated or fat for a woman. This can lead to insecurity when the idea of being seen without clothing comes to mind. Avoid serving pastas or other heavy carbs. Salmon is a fantastic choice of main course. It’s action packed with mood enhancing omega-3, which elevate serotonin, libido lifting Vitamin A, D, B, Calcium and bursting with stamina producing Protein.
Dessert:
Dessert is the most intimate course of a meal and logically so. The Brains receptors have serotonin and endorphin levels running at high speed, allowing a person to feel free from inhibition, just in time for cake. Serving a dessert that incorporates a hand-to-mouth consumption stimulates a primitive instinct, that intensifies a sensual connection to food and the overall dining experience. A chocolate fondue with fresh fruit is fast easy and virtually impossible to screw up. Fondue sets are available everywhere during this holiday, including drugstore chains like CVS. A reasonably priced set retails between $15-$50. Cut down on kitchen time and stress by arranging a fruit platter the day before, sealing in plastic wrap and refrigerate until it is time to serve. Recommended Aphrodisiac ample fruits: Figs, Strawberries, Apricots, Mangoes, Bananas and the Biblically forbidden Apple are readily available in grocery stores and sensational soul mates with melted chocolate.
After Dinner:
The moments after a meal has ended could turn awkward, when a relationship is young. Thoughts of “what next” or “is the date over” may creep into both of your minds. Have something else ready to do, to avoid an early end to the evening. If the weather is bearable
ask your date if she’d like to take a short walk around the block. A short walk in the winter cold will cure over eating/drinking drowsiness as well as allow for an opportune moment to steal a Hollywood movie kiss. If your Valentine is not an outdoor enthusiast, suggest playing a fun game like dance revolution, a board game or have a romantic comedy ready to watch. Avoid choosing an after dinner activity that requires leaving the home. Getting behind the wheel after a few drinks is the last thing anyone should ever do.
As you head into the trenches this Valentine’s Day, remember these simple steps and you will triumph victoriously.